Patience is a Virtue (a very difficult one at that)

     Okay, so I'm a pretty independent gal. I'm always on the go and like to take matters into my own hands most of the time. I like to get things done quickly and in a way that best fits my schedule, but I mean who doesn't?! However, 9 times out of 10 this way of approaching tough decisions, relationships, or life in general is unsuccessful. My failed attempts to do things on my own timing, along with hasty decisions, have revealed to me something Jesus has been putting on my heart, which is the being patient.
     Patience is the ultimate test of trust and a big struggle for many people. In today's society, we tend to think we know what is best for us and that our timing is the best timing. Reality check people, we don't know know half as much as we think we do. The only one who does is Jesus. HE knows what is best for us and HIS timing is perfect. A lot of the time we are just too wrapped up in doing things OUR way, that we are completely blinded of the fact that Jesus has it all figured out already. So while we are struggling and trying to figure out how to make things work out how we want them to, a lot of the time he is trying to tell us to trust in him, be patient, and rest knowing that he's got it mapped out perfectly.
     Many times, we are very aware that the God's got it all worked out, yet we choose not to listen or handle situations the way we know he wants us to...simply because we would rather do it our way (aka the easy way.)  Believe me friends, I know how it feels to find something so great and just want to plan out in your head how everything should go. You just want it to work out perfectly and you want it to work out as soon as possible...but honestly, what's the rush? This whole sense of rushing into things and choosing your(personal and more desired) way over Jesus' only leads to failure. I promise you that if you are obedient and patient and give Jesus control over whatever it is, the results will be so worth it in the end. I believe this with my whole heart!
     Unfortunately, so many times what Jesus wants is for us to be patient and HOLY COW can this be hard. Waiting is not my specialty, and I'm positive many can relate. I mean for goodness sake I get antsy waiting in the grocery store line. It's hard to accept but sometimes we are just meant to simply wait. This can cause us to feel like our lives are at a halt or that nothing is being accomplished. The truth is that sometimes during this time of waiting  more is happening in our hearts and lives than we even know! In the words of C.S. Lewis, "I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait."  This is good stuff people! If you're in a season where your patience is being tested, hang in there and focus on the fact that it will be so worth it in the long run. Giving Jesus control of your decisions, being patient with him, and trusting in his timing will lead to greater results than rushing and attempting to handle things in your own way. Besides, the things worth having are worth being patient for...can I get an amen?!


Hope this encourage you today!

-Kay

The Beauty of Letting Go

      We all have things that seem to tie us down and hold us back. Those things that seem to have a tight grip on us that we just can't escape. Whether it's heartache from a past relationship, an unhealthy friendship, bitterness towards someone, some type of addiction, or even just a person that you know you should let go of, living with something like this bottled up in your heart can be exhausting. They constantly fight for our attention and consume our thoughts.  No matter how hard you try to move on and let go (of whatever that baggage may be) you just can't seem to break free from these ever present thoughts and memories. What you should know is that although it may not seem like it now, moving on and letting go of these things will give you an incredible sense of freedom. Below I've shared some insight and ideas that helped find freedom and peace.

1. Forgive yourself/ whoever else is involved.           

            In many cases, the thing that consumes people the most is bitterness, and let me tell ya living a bitter life is not a life you want to live.A lot of the time this bitterness is a result of someone being upset with themselves and they are bitter about how they handled a certain situation. "How could I be so dumb?" "I can't believe I did that." "I'm never going to forgive myself." Ever thought any of these thoughts? Most of us have, and that's completley normal.Newsflash people, we aren't perfect and can't expect ourselves to be.  We can't just become bitter and angry at ourselves every time we mess up. Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm not saying don't learn or occasionally get disappointed at yourself, but rather don't beat yourself up over it. You have to learn to forgive yourself and don't dwell on whatever you are stressing about. Think of what you can learn and get out of the situation to better yourself, rather than the negative side to it.
           On the other hand, a lot of people are bitter towards others..usually a specific person. Maybe this person hurt you and you can't quite grasp why they would do such a thing. Sometimes, what hurts  the most is when the person that hurt you doesn't even understand how bad they hurt you. Many times, this person won't even apologize. How could you not be angry and  bitter towards someone who did such a thing to you and won't even own up to being wrong? Believe me, friends. I KNOW IT IS HARD and if I'm being honest, I have recently struggled with a situation similar to this as well.  I do know that the freedom you will get from forgiving this person and just letting go of that grudge will be the biggest relief.You are so much stronger than you think and you can let go. You are not supposed to be consumed or tied down with the ever present thoughts of this hurt. The first step of moving forward is forgiving yourself and the situation. It can be so difficult to forgive someone who you don't think deserves it but if you think about it, that's exactly what Jesus did for you and the person who you feel like you can't forgive. So why would I think I am too good  to forgive someone Jesus forgave a long time ago? All I'm saying is that no one is too bad for forgiveness, and no one is too good to forgive. Once you do forgive, you are that much closer to letting go of this nasty thing that has a hold on your heart.

2. Let each situation be what is is, not what you think it should be.

         Okay, so I'm not the only one who tends to only remember the good things and pretend the bad never existed, am I? This is actually not a great idea,but is so tough not to do. We naturally don't want to remember the harm or the bad things, so we pretend they never happened. What keeps us holding on to the same thing for so long is the fact that we can't seem to let go of the good memories or benefits the situation or person gave to us. This is so unhealthy. Don't get me wrong, in no way am I saying to forget the good and only focus on the bad...but you do have to accept the bad and the harm it caused you. Letting go of something is so difficult when it seems you are letting go of something that once brought you so much happiness. In order to truly move on, you need to realize the reasons it didn't work/ how it hurt you. It is important to remember these things so that you don't fall back into the same trap and get hurt all again..this could cause it to become a neverending cycle of pain. Basically the bottom line is to understand how that situation hurt you so that you can grow from it and be more cautious and maybe guard your heart more in the future.


3. Don't let something that's long gone control you!

         That ex is an ex for a reason. It just wasn't meant to be, and that's all there is to it! Don't dwell in sadness and beat yourself up wondering why. There's better ahead. There is a reason that friend that isn't acting like much of a friend to you anymore. Not in all cases, but  a lot of the time this is because they have played their role in your life. Jesus puts people in our lives for a reason and sometimes they aren't meant to stay in it forever. Don't feel like you are giving up on anyone, you are simply finding freedom and letting go of all the negativity that friendship brings to you, it is no longer healthy. The "old you" is long gone. You don't have to get drunk every weekend to have a good time. Weed doesn't have to have to be the only escape. You are made new and Jesus doesn't want any of those things to have a hold on you. The old you is in the past, don't let it control you! You are forgiven and don't have to be controlled or feel guilty about things you did in the past.

The point of this blog was to fill you with hope and encourage you to let go of the anything weighing you down. Life isn't meant to be spent wallowing in sad memories nor is it meant to be controlled by some substance or negative thought. You have such a huge purpose in this life and trust me, it is not to be constantly overwhelmed and worrying about something from your past. Walking away from the pain and heartbreak is in your hands, and it is completely possible..you just have to make that decision to do so. Make the decision to be happy and to move forward. Nothing from your past defines you or has the strength to chain you down. Simply letting go can be the boldest and most beneficial thing you could ever do for yourself. You've got this, friend.

-Kay

Darkness has NO hold on me

         Nothing seems to be going how you pictured it would. You feel unwanted, unworthy, and unimportant. You feel stuck and are questioning your purpose in this life. Ever felt like this? Me too.
People that know me probably wouldn't imagine me struggling with any of these thoughts. They assume my life is just fine and dandy all the time. Although it may often come across like this,that is not the case. Although I'm always striving to keep a positive mindset and be a light to others, that doesn't mean I don't go through times of darkness. I'm about to be very honest and vulnerable with you all, so just bear with me! I'm not blogging about this for sympathy, but in hope someone can relate.
          This past month has been difficult for me. Has anything tragic happened to make it difficult? Nothing in particular. Little things that have been on my mind for a while like silly boy problems and thinking about next year suddenly seemed like enormous problems. Im usually a very stress free gal and don't worry about much but for some reason worry and stress were suddenly drowning me. Maybe it was because I never really allow myself to stress or worry about anything, so I had to crash and burn eventually? Who knows. All I knew was that I was feeling helpless over things that used to not bother me.I was always the one giving advice to my friends (don't get me wrong, this is one of my favorite things to do) but none of them were asking or wondering how I was doing.  I just felt alone. I felt as if some people in my life only wanted me in theirs when it was convenient for them. I felt un-pursued by boys and friends. This caused me to overthink every thing about myself. Why isn't this guy pursuing me anymore? Am I pretty enough? Why aren't my friends concerned with how I am feeling? Am I boring? Am I old news?  These questions filled my mind. I also started thinking about where I am in my life and how I am not where I thought/would have liked to have been by now. I started feeling like a failure and like my dreams were never going to come true. I was scared to death my life was becoming average and unspectacular and there was nothing I could do about it. At one time everything was going so great- and then BAM.Suddenly my life seemed like it was at a stand still. I wasn't progressing, I was just stuck and going through the motions.
               After throwing all that negativity at you, there's good news. Through this dark lonely time, I had nothing to lean on but Jesus. He was revealing  himself to me through this situation and I didn't even know. This stage of depression(if you even consider it that) caused me to depend on him for light. He constantly reminded me that even though I feel alone, I am not. Even though I feel unloved, he loves me more than I could ever imagine. Through the darkness, I was just craving light. I was craving Jesus. All I wanted and needed was hope..and he gave it to me. I now know that although my circumstances aren't ideal at the moment, things can only get better. When I feel like I'm drowning, that's when God reveals himself to me the most. The so called "bad" times in this life are just apart of our journey and help us grow in crazy ways that we would never think possible.
                  Besides these last few weeks, I had never really gone though a dark time like this. I had never experienced what it felt like to feel so helpless over tiny things and  to feel like there was no  escape. How could I be struggling with this? I'm Kayla. I'm always positive and always expected to be happy.  I think Jesus wanted me to experience this to reveal the fact that I don't have to hide my hurt. I am not expected to be perfect and I have my moments just like everyone else. He wanted me to rest by realizing this. I feel he also put me through this so I can relate and better help those people that feel like this all the time. I can't imagine always feeling this stranded but the truth is, many people feel like this all the time. Now I can better understand how hopeless and lost some people are. I was able to escape this darkness because of the strength I got from Jesus, but if people don't know him how are they going to find the strength to fight through that dark season?
                  With all that said, I just want to let you know that if you are feeling hopeless, weak, unworthy, unimportant, or unwanted ... know that those feelings and thoughts are the farthest thing from true. They do not define who you are as a person, nor do they define your worth. Don't let negative thoughts have that power over you.The truth is you are of great value, you are loved, you are pursued and you are wanted. Keep these truths in your mind always and remember that although you seem to be drowning in this season of darkness, light always wins. 

-Kay

Dating is Dead-What Our Generation is Getting Wrong

           Being the nineteen year old hopeless romantic that I am, there are a few things that are always on my mind- like boys, relationships, and marriage. I'm sure many of my college guys and gals are on the same page. I would be lying if I said I didn't spend every Econ class planning my wedding or looking at all the cute and extremely photogenic  couples on Pinterest. ( Don't judge- every girl does it.) Even though half these pictures are posed we are all so envious of these people and wonder why we don't have relationships like that.NEWSFLASH PEOPLE. We are dating completely wrong! Our society has totally obliterated the concept of dating. Below is a list of some common mistakes and flawed assumptions we make when it comes to dating these days.

1) Our joy is dependent on our boyfriend/girlfriend instead of Jesus

               I have found that the main reason relationships fail these days is because too many young people are putting their happiness in the hands of someone other than Jesus. This is just setting you up for failure. That is putting way too much pressure onto the person you are in a relationship with. Can you imagine the unbearable weight of knowing someone's happiness depended on only you? That pressure of having to be perfect for someone will eventually wear anyone out. No one person is strong enough to take the responsibility of Jesus. If your joy is dependent on whether he/she texted you back today, if you guys will get to see each other,  or whether or not they are in a good mood.. something is not right in your heart. You should be completely satisfied with your relationship with Jesus before even entering a relationship with anyone else. This is not just for your sake but also for that other person. You don't won't to enter a relationship with a bunch of brokenness or baggage. Entering a relationship without Jesus can be an extremely dangerous and toxic thing to do. That other person can become somewhat of an 'idol' believe it or not. Since you aren't completely full of Jesus, you will turn to that other person to fill that empty space in your heart. Although you may seem satisfied for a few months, eventually you will realize that you are still not whole and that something is missing...something that no amount of kisses, snuggles, or sex will make up for. I'm telling you people, you have got to be right with the big man in order to have a healthy, happy relationship with another person. Jesus comes first.

2) We date because we are bored/ lonely.

            Bad idea! Starting to date someone because you are bored or lonely is never okay. Even though this seems obvious, this actually happens all the stinkin' time.  There will be periods of time when it seems like all of our friends are either dating or married.We start feeling lonely and want this for ourselves. Especially this time of year- I mean come one it's cuddle season. Since we want to have this so badly we are willing to date anyone who seems good enough. First of all, this is so very selfish. I mean just wanting a girl/guy so you can say you have one..how shady?  This is not only awful for the other person who might actually like you a lot, but it makes you think a relationship is no big deal. This can cause you to have no intention of staying together. "Oh it's no big deal, I'll date her for a few months. It's not like it's going to last." WRONG. Dating is supposed to be a commitment and is actually for the possibility of marriage. Not saying you have to get married to the first person you started dating,thats the intention behind it.  Dating because you are bored or lonely causes you to settle. It causes you to settle for someone who you know probably isn't right for you. You just want a few kisses, to cuddle, and just feel wanted...I get it. But why do these things with someone you know you won't be with much longer? That will cause so much unnecessary pain for both of you when things end. This could all be easily avoided if you just wait for someone who you really like! Trust me, being alone sucks sometimes but is way better than being with someone who isn't right for you.

3)"He/she is pursuing me, so we must be meant to be"

            I  can not stress enough how wrong this assumption is. Just because someone adores you doesn't mean you have to feel the same way. This is nothing to feel bad about, but can be hard to accept. When someone is giving you an opportunity to date it can be hard not to take it, especially if you have been wanting a girlfriend/boyfriend for some time now. The most important thing to do is to remember what you are looking for in a person and don't make an exception just because someone is giving you a chance.Sure, go on a few dates and give them a chance! Don't force it though. If it's meant to be it will happen naturally, not just because there's an opportunity to date someone so you assume you should take it. I see this happen a lot with exes... they will come back into the guy/girls life and start pursuing them again. This can be so confusing. This causes the person being pursued to forget why they even broke up, and give in because they want to feel wanted again.The main point I'm trying to make is that opportunity does not mean obligation!

4) "We're dating, so he/she is all mine"

             UM NO. Think before you do, friends. That girl or guy you are with is absolutely not your property(especially if you haven't put a ring on it boys.)They do not belong to you! Just because you are dating doesn't mean you can do whatever you want with them. They are going to be a gift to someone someday, and that someone might not be you. Respect that! Fellas, that girl you are hooking up with is going to be someone's wife. Treat her how you would want your future wife to be treated. Same goes for the ladies. Just respect each other and be aware of the fact you do not own each other just because you dating. I know its hard to grasp when you are in the midst of a relationship, but the harsh truth is that you two may not end up being together forever! Remind yourself of this before giving too much of yourself away.

5) We are dating people who don't pursue our hearts

                 Alright ladies, listen closely. Fellas...take notes. The pursuit is one of the most important parts of dating. I'm going to write this from the ladies point of view, since that is easiest for me but boys take what you will from this. Girls, how a guy pursues you will reveal a lot of how a relationship would be with him and what his intentions are. It is vital for you to pay close attention to detail during this stage! You want to date a man who pursues your heart. What does this mean? I'll explain. You want to date a man who genuinely cares for you and not just your body. A real man will lead you closer to Jesus, not pull you away from him. If the guy pursuing you is already touchy-touchy when you aren't even dating yet..what do you think he will expect when you are dating? Also, if the guy only wants to hang out alone...be cautious! This could be a sign that he only wants to date you so he will have someone for his own pleasure. A guy who is pursuing your heart will respect you and want to guard your heart. Girls, it is actually a wise idea to make them work for you. Now I'm not saying to lead them on or play hard to get. What I am saying is to take things slow. Really use this time to get to know them. If the boy who is pursuing you tells you how he feels and then says something like "the ball is in your court" UM GOODBYE. Okay, that may be harsh but this is basically him saying he is tired of chasing you and want's you to pursue him. A man who is worth dating will think you are worth the chase and won't give up until he has you, no matter how long it takes. It is not your job to chase a guy.If he isn't pursuing your heart now, what makes you think he will pursue you when you date?

With all that said.....

            I decided to share these things, not to point fingers but to share what I have learned and am still learning about the awkward world of dating.I am no expert when it comes to dating and believe me, I have made my fair share of mistakes. The dating stage has the potential to be one of the most enjoyable times of your life but can also be one of the most heartbreaking..let's get it right people!
-Kay

Let Me Introduce Myself...

             My name is Kayla, but my friends call me almost everything but that. Baby Kay, Kiesh (don't ask), and Kelledge are the most commonly used from my plethora of nicknames.On September 13, 1995 my lovely life began, making me that awkward age of nineteen. I mean let's be real, 19 could quite possibly be the most confusing age ever. I am somewhere between being a teenager and being an adult...I'm still trying to figure that out. Anyways, I was born and raised in Greenville, SC and was blessed with an incredible family (incredibly crazy that is..hahah) who I love dearly. I am currently trying out the whole college thing and am in the process of deciding whether or not it's for me. Working behind a desk and staring at a computer screen has just never been appealing to me. As cheesy as it may sound all I really want to do in life is give people hope and be a light others lives. As far as how I am going to accomplish that...well that's what I'm in the process of figuring out. Now that you know a little about where I came from and where I am in my life currently, I'll get to the more interesting stuff.
                 Dance has played a major roll in shaping me into the young lady I am today. I have been dancing since I was 2 years old, that's 17 whole years! Wowza. People always ask me "so you do like that ballerina stuff and stand on your toes and like shake your booty right?" as they feel the need to try to demonstrate each one of these to me (which I find quite hysterical.) I usually answer back with one of my "what the heck" stares, haha.  On a more serious note, I trained in ballet, jazz, tap, contemporary, hip hop, etc.You name it, I've done it. I was blessed with an absolutely incredibly humble studio who gives all the glory to God. It is filled with the sweetest of girls who's never ending support is something that is so rare. This sisterhood is something I would have never had if it wasn't for dance. While all my friends were out doing normal elementary,middle,and high school things  these girls and I were always dancing our tales off. Im talking 6 to 7 days a week. This really disciplined me in so many areas of my life and taught me what it was like to be committed to something. So much of my strength and willpower has been a result of this incredible art. Dance is something I am SO passionate about and it has always been my dream to pursue it professionally. I am teaching classes while attending school so that I can keep it up in hopes of one day maybe moving out to Cali and pursuing it as a career. But i have completely given that decision to Jesus, so who knows what will happen! I don't want to go into too much detail because I am planning on dedicating  a whole post to dancing later on, but I felt the need to go ahead and share a tidbit about it, since it plays such a major role in my life.
                  Another main quality of mine is my adventurous spirit. I have a heart for exploring and trying new things. Spontaneous adventures with my friends occur weekly. I am lucky enough to have friends who are just as adventurous as myself. Hiking, mountain jeep rides, and spontaneous lake days are just a few of my favorite things to do.I feel like when God made me he was like "I'm going to make this girl curious" because boy am I. I am so interested about the world and what it has to offer. I constantly crave the freedom that comes along with the outdoors and 'adventuring' as I like to call it. There is just something about escaping reality and going somewhere without all the chaos and ruckus of people. It provides this insane calmness that I can't even describe.  I am always striving to get the most out of this life and my adventurous spirit definitely plays a vital role in that. I never got to travel much when I was little, so I think that plays a huge part in all this and explains why I long to 'go go go' all the time. I hope to travel and explore the world one day. I feel like Jesus put this love for adventuring in my heat for a reason and is going to use it for something big one day. For now, my little adventures will do and will continue to satisfy me. Sunset chasing and star gazing are by far my two favorite hobbies at the moment, and not to mention perfect date ideas. (cough cough boys)
                  Now that  I've told you plenty of facts about myself and shared all  my favorite hobbies, now I want to to tell you the most important and greatest thing about me and that is JESUS. My relationship with the Lord is the most important thing in my life and is something I value more than anything. I honestly believe that in order to be fully satisfied with yourself and your life you must find your identity in Jesus. Once you start basing your worth on other things- like relationships, sports, etc- you will never feel fully complete. My main mission in life is to share this and the unfailing love of our incredible father to people like you. Because guys, there is nothing like it. Many people ask me how I keep a positive attitude and how I am so stress free most of the time.My answer? Jesus! I find my worth in him and trust him with anything that life throws at me. I believe with my whole heart that he's got my back, so there's no need to worry. I give him the glory for all that I do and am forever grateful to be a daughter of the king.
                     Okay, I know I just threw out a ton of information about myself. So to sum it all up, I'm just an average dancer, adventurer, and Jesus lover trying to live an unordinary and spectacular life. I've started this blog to share inspiring thoughts, stories, and advice that will (fingers crossed) touch people's hearts and help them too live GOLDEN lives. By golden I mean lives full of joy, happiness, and fulfillment. Honestly, I don't even know If anyone will ever see this blog and I could quite possibly be talking to myself. Regardless, I enjoy writing and getting my thoughts out. If indeed you are reading this because I have decided to share this blog or you have just stumbled upon it, you have just witnessed my first blog ever. I'm stoked and sending lots of love your way!
-Kay