Dating is Dead-What Our Generation is Getting Wrong

           Being the nineteen year old hopeless romantic that I am, there are a few things that are always on my mind- like boys, relationships, and marriage. I'm sure many of my college guys and gals are on the same page. I would be lying if I said I didn't spend every Econ class planning my wedding or looking at all the cute and extremely photogenic  couples on Pinterest. ( Don't judge- every girl does it.) Even though half these pictures are posed we are all so envious of these people and wonder why we don't have relationships like that.NEWSFLASH PEOPLE. We are dating completely wrong! Our society has totally obliterated the concept of dating. Below is a list of some common mistakes and flawed assumptions we make when it comes to dating these days.

1) Our joy is dependent on our boyfriend/girlfriend instead of Jesus

               I have found that the main reason relationships fail these days is because too many young people are putting their happiness in the hands of someone other than Jesus. This is just setting you up for failure. That is putting way too much pressure onto the person you are in a relationship with. Can you imagine the unbearable weight of knowing someone's happiness depended on only you? That pressure of having to be perfect for someone will eventually wear anyone out. No one person is strong enough to take the responsibility of Jesus. If your joy is dependent on whether he/she texted you back today, if you guys will get to see each other,  or whether or not they are in a good mood.. something is not right in your heart. You should be completely satisfied with your relationship with Jesus before even entering a relationship with anyone else. This is not just for your sake but also for that other person. You don't won't to enter a relationship with a bunch of brokenness or baggage. Entering a relationship without Jesus can be an extremely dangerous and toxic thing to do. That other person can become somewhat of an 'idol' believe it or not. Since you aren't completely full of Jesus, you will turn to that other person to fill that empty space in your heart. Although you may seem satisfied for a few months, eventually you will realize that you are still not whole and that something is missing...something that no amount of kisses, snuggles, or sex will make up for. I'm telling you people, you have got to be right with the big man in order to have a healthy, happy relationship with another person. Jesus comes first.

2) We date because we are bored/ lonely.

            Bad idea! Starting to date someone because you are bored or lonely is never okay. Even though this seems obvious, this actually happens all the stinkin' time.  There will be periods of time when it seems like all of our friends are either dating or married.We start feeling lonely and want this for ourselves. Especially this time of year- I mean come one it's cuddle season. Since we want to have this so badly we are willing to date anyone who seems good enough. First of all, this is so very selfish. I mean just wanting a girl/guy so you can say you have one..how shady?  This is not only awful for the other person who might actually like you a lot, but it makes you think a relationship is no big deal. This can cause you to have no intention of staying together. "Oh it's no big deal, I'll date her for a few months. It's not like it's going to last." WRONG. Dating is supposed to be a commitment and is actually for the possibility of marriage. Not saying you have to get married to the first person you started dating,thats the intention behind it.  Dating because you are bored or lonely causes you to settle. It causes you to settle for someone who you know probably isn't right for you. You just want a few kisses, to cuddle, and just feel wanted...I get it. But why do these things with someone you know you won't be with much longer? That will cause so much unnecessary pain for both of you when things end. This could all be easily avoided if you just wait for someone who you really like! Trust me, being alone sucks sometimes but is way better than being with someone who isn't right for you.

3)"He/she is pursuing me, so we must be meant to be"

            I  can not stress enough how wrong this assumption is. Just because someone adores you doesn't mean you have to feel the same way. This is nothing to feel bad about, but can be hard to accept. When someone is giving you an opportunity to date it can be hard not to take it, especially if you have been wanting a girlfriend/boyfriend for some time now. The most important thing to do is to remember what you are looking for in a person and don't make an exception just because someone is giving you a chance.Sure, go on a few dates and give them a chance! Don't force it though. If it's meant to be it will happen naturally, not just because there's an opportunity to date someone so you assume you should take it. I see this happen a lot with exes... they will come back into the guy/girls life and start pursuing them again. This can be so confusing. This causes the person being pursued to forget why they even broke up, and give in because they want to feel wanted again.The main point I'm trying to make is that opportunity does not mean obligation!

4) "We're dating, so he/she is all mine"

             UM NO. Think before you do, friends. That girl or guy you are with is absolutely not your property(especially if you haven't put a ring on it boys.)They do not belong to you! Just because you are dating doesn't mean you can do whatever you want with them. They are going to be a gift to someone someday, and that someone might not be you. Respect that! Fellas, that girl you are hooking up with is going to be someone's wife. Treat her how you would want your future wife to be treated. Same goes for the ladies. Just respect each other and be aware of the fact you do not own each other just because you dating. I know its hard to grasp when you are in the midst of a relationship, but the harsh truth is that you two may not end up being together forever! Remind yourself of this before giving too much of yourself away.

5) We are dating people who don't pursue our hearts

                 Alright ladies, listen closely. Fellas...take notes. The pursuit is one of the most important parts of dating. I'm going to write this from the ladies point of view, since that is easiest for me but boys take what you will from this. Girls, how a guy pursues you will reveal a lot of how a relationship would be with him and what his intentions are. It is vital for you to pay close attention to detail during this stage! You want to date a man who pursues your heart. What does this mean? I'll explain. You want to date a man who genuinely cares for you and not just your body. A real man will lead you closer to Jesus, not pull you away from him. If the guy pursuing you is already touchy-touchy when you aren't even dating yet..what do you think he will expect when you are dating? Also, if the guy only wants to hang out alone...be cautious! This could be a sign that he only wants to date you so he will have someone for his own pleasure. A guy who is pursuing your heart will respect you and want to guard your heart. Girls, it is actually a wise idea to make them work for you. Now I'm not saying to lead them on or play hard to get. What I am saying is to take things slow. Really use this time to get to know them. If the boy who is pursuing you tells you how he feels and then says something like "the ball is in your court" UM GOODBYE. Okay, that may be harsh but this is basically him saying he is tired of chasing you and want's you to pursue him. A man who is worth dating will think you are worth the chase and won't give up until he has you, no matter how long it takes. It is not your job to chase a guy.If he isn't pursuing your heart now, what makes you think he will pursue you when you date?

With all that said.....

            I decided to share these things, not to point fingers but to share what I have learned and am still learning about the awkward world of dating.I am no expert when it comes to dating and believe me, I have made my fair share of mistakes. The dating stage has the potential to be one of the most enjoyable times of your life but can also be one of the most heartbreaking..let's get it right people!
-Kay

Let Me Introduce Myself...

             My name is Kayla, but my friends call me almost everything but that. Baby Kay, Kiesh (don't ask), and Kelledge are the most commonly used from my plethora of nicknames.On September 13, 1995 my lovely life began, making me that awkward age of nineteen. I mean let's be real, 19 could quite possibly be the most confusing age ever. I am somewhere between being a teenager and being an adult...I'm still trying to figure that out. Anyways, I was born and raised in Greenville, SC and was blessed with an incredible family (incredibly crazy that is..hahah) who I love dearly. I am currently trying out the whole college thing and am in the process of deciding whether or not it's for me. Working behind a desk and staring at a computer screen has just never been appealing to me. As cheesy as it may sound all I really want to do in life is give people hope and be a light others lives. As far as how I am going to accomplish that...well that's what I'm in the process of figuring out. Now that you know a little about where I came from and where I am in my life currently, I'll get to the more interesting stuff.
                 Dance has played a major roll in shaping me into the young lady I am today. I have been dancing since I was 2 years old, that's 17 whole years! Wowza. People always ask me "so you do like that ballerina stuff and stand on your toes and like shake your booty right?" as they feel the need to try to demonstrate each one of these to me (which I find quite hysterical.) I usually answer back with one of my "what the heck" stares, haha.  On a more serious note, I trained in ballet, jazz, tap, contemporary, hip hop, etc.You name it, I've done it. I was blessed with an absolutely incredibly humble studio who gives all the glory to God. It is filled with the sweetest of girls who's never ending support is something that is so rare. This sisterhood is something I would have never had if it wasn't for dance. While all my friends were out doing normal elementary,middle,and high school things  these girls and I were always dancing our tales off. Im talking 6 to 7 days a week. This really disciplined me in so many areas of my life and taught me what it was like to be committed to something. So much of my strength and willpower has been a result of this incredible art. Dance is something I am SO passionate about and it has always been my dream to pursue it professionally. I am teaching classes while attending school so that I can keep it up in hopes of one day maybe moving out to Cali and pursuing it as a career. But i have completely given that decision to Jesus, so who knows what will happen! I don't want to go into too much detail because I am planning on dedicating  a whole post to dancing later on, but I felt the need to go ahead and share a tidbit about it, since it plays such a major role in my life.
                  Another main quality of mine is my adventurous spirit. I have a heart for exploring and trying new things. Spontaneous adventures with my friends occur weekly. I am lucky enough to have friends who are just as adventurous as myself. Hiking, mountain jeep rides, and spontaneous lake days are just a few of my favorite things to do.I feel like when God made me he was like "I'm going to make this girl curious" because boy am I. I am so interested about the world and what it has to offer. I constantly crave the freedom that comes along with the outdoors and 'adventuring' as I like to call it. There is just something about escaping reality and going somewhere without all the chaos and ruckus of people. It provides this insane calmness that I can't even describe.  I am always striving to get the most out of this life and my adventurous spirit definitely plays a vital role in that. I never got to travel much when I was little, so I think that plays a huge part in all this and explains why I long to 'go go go' all the time. I hope to travel and explore the world one day. I feel like Jesus put this love for adventuring in my heat for a reason and is going to use it for something big one day. For now, my little adventures will do and will continue to satisfy me. Sunset chasing and star gazing are by far my two favorite hobbies at the moment, and not to mention perfect date ideas. (cough cough boys)
                  Now that  I've told you plenty of facts about myself and shared all  my favorite hobbies, now I want to to tell you the most important and greatest thing about me and that is JESUS. My relationship with the Lord is the most important thing in my life and is something I value more than anything. I honestly believe that in order to be fully satisfied with yourself and your life you must find your identity in Jesus. Once you start basing your worth on other things- like relationships, sports, etc- you will never feel fully complete. My main mission in life is to share this and the unfailing love of our incredible father to people like you. Because guys, there is nothing like it. Many people ask me how I keep a positive attitude and how I am so stress free most of the time.My answer? Jesus! I find my worth in him and trust him with anything that life throws at me. I believe with my whole heart that he's got my back, so there's no need to worry. I give him the glory for all that I do and am forever grateful to be a daughter of the king.
                     Okay, I know I just threw out a ton of information about myself. So to sum it all up, I'm just an average dancer, adventurer, and Jesus lover trying to live an unordinary and spectacular life. I've started this blog to share inspiring thoughts, stories, and advice that will (fingers crossed) touch people's hearts and help them too live GOLDEN lives. By golden I mean lives full of joy, happiness, and fulfillment. Honestly, I don't even know If anyone will ever see this blog and I could quite possibly be talking to myself. Regardless, I enjoy writing and getting my thoughts out. If indeed you are reading this because I have decided to share this blog or you have just stumbled upon it, you have just witnessed my first blog ever. I'm stoked and sending lots of love your way!
-Kay